none live for themselves

a glimpse into the mind a lazy dreamer


Posted by Jonathan Chant on 0:37, December 10, 2006

This one is inevitable. If you’ve talked to me at some point in the last 2 weeks of November, you may know that this has been on my mind a lot: relationships, specifically the ones of the guy-girl flavour. And I’m not the only one, some of my other friends have been thinking and blogging about this too.

Now, what made me think about this? I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact that many of my friends and people my age back home are getting married soon or have already done so. Maybe it’s because I may have a longing for one myself. Maybe it’s because of the conversations I had about this topic with various people in that 2 week span. Maybe it’s all 3 of these reasons. Whatever the reason, I was super-saturated with relationships during those 2 weeks.

So why all this relationship stuff? I think God is trying to tell me something. What is it? Still trying to work that out. But there are some thoughts I have about this.

First, why even bother with a relationship? If you look at the world, relationships seem to suck. Even in the Christian context. Half of all marriages (Christian or not) end up in divorce. Even personally, I’ve heard of all these screwed up things that happen in relationships that just hurt both people. It almost seems like there’s no point in getting into one. Almost. Where some may find the marriage statistic discouraging or become disheartened when they hear about yet another messed up relationship, I kind of take it as a challenge. To show the world that there is still such thing as integrity and honour in a relationship. There is such things as pure love that comes from above. I hope to slightly change the marriage/divorce percentage to the better side through my own marriage, God-willing, and show that there is something worth fighting for, worth working hard for.

So back to the question, why even bother with a relationship? Well, according to Voddie, there are two purposes for a relationship, specifically marriage: imitation and procreation. It’s to imitate to the relationship of Christ and the church, where the man is like Christ and the woman is like the church (see Ephesians 5:22-33). It’s to procreate, basically make babies. Now, I totally agree with this, but I think there’s more. What that more thing is, I’m still working out.

Now, why would I want a relationship? Well, of course, to honour God, but true as that is, it sounds like the typical Sunday school answer. There are more reasons that just that. During a dinner outing last year, a friend of mine was going around the table and kind of profiling all the guys with what kind of a boyfriend we would be. When she got to me, she said I’d be the type that would do almost anything to make the girl happy. Now, I don’t know if it’s because she said that or if it’s really true, but I believe it is. One of the reasons for me to be in a relationship would be to make the girl happy. This is taking it out of context, but it’s kind of like when Jesus said, “I didn’t come to be served, but to serve.” It’s not what I’d get out of the relationship, but what I could put into it. Now that’s not to say I wouldn’t get anything out of the relationship, but that wouldn’t be my movtivating factor. In fact, if and when I get into a relationship, I hope the girl will really challenge and push me spiritually, help me become more of the man that God intends me to be. I really like the triangle illustration for relationships where God is at the top corner of the triangle and the guy and girl are at the bottom corners of the triangle. As the guy & girl grow closer together, so also will they grow closer to God. :)

So that’s a snippet of what I think relationships are about. There’s more, much more, but I’m still learning and still trying to discern what God is saying to me. This is going to take a lifetime to figure all this out.

But let’s end on another type of relationship: one between a father and his son. Truely one of the most inspirational videos I’ve ever seen. Brought many tears to my eyes. The story of Team Hoyt.


One Response to “relationships”

  1. sixsteps said

    Hey Jon,
    Interesting stuff that you mention & linked to me.. thanx:P

    Good points you made on the triangular relationship & the purpose of serving one another. I’ve wondered though, if we are living biblically and have these God-centered purposes in mind re dating/courtship: then why still soo much talk n debating about the issues.. what are we really still wrestling with that makes us restless?

    I’m kinda stumped and don’t have an answer.

    But it seems that for many people I know, once they start seeing somebody, they never really have figured out the heart of the struggle & only brush it off (until they’re single again).

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